{"id":62,"date":"2016-01-19T05:04:19","date_gmt":"2016-01-19T05:04:19","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/alanwells.com\/zombieman\/?p=62"},"modified":"2016-03-05T05:34:51","modified_gmt":"2016-03-05T05:34:51","slug":"day-67","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/alanwells.com\/zombieman\/day-67\/","title":{"rendered":"Day 67"},"content":{"rendered":"
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Bill left without paying his share of rent, utilities and ordinary household expenses. \u00a0Said I creeped him out, being dead and all.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

<\/div>\n
\n

I said you wanna know who’s creepy, Bill? \u00a0Your tentacle porn loving ass, that’s who. \u00a0What the hell is that all about, Bill? You ain’t\u00a0Japanese.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

So now I’m dealing with Alex.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

<\/div>\n
Alex ain’t bad, but he’s the sneakiest mother fucker I ever seen.<\/div>\n
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\n

Today, I couldn’t find my M&M’s and you know how I need my M&M’s.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

“Alex, You seen my M&M’s?”<\/p>\n

He keeps playing his xbox.<\/p>\n

I’m looking all in the couches, digging in the nastiness between the cushions. \u00a0I’m walking right in front of him, back and forth, and he won’t answer.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

<\/div>\n
\n

I get in his face, figure I can use my zombie stare and make him look at me.
\nHe keeps playing, shifting his position so he can see around me.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

<\/div>\n
\n

I grab him by the shoulders.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

<\/div>\n
\n

“Alex! Where are my M&M’s!”<\/p>\n

He\u00a0looks at me as if for the first time.<\/p>\n

“Dude, I ain’t seen your M&M’s, but I bought some Reeces Pieces you can have.”<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

<\/div>\n
\n

“I don’t want no Reeces Feces! \u00a0I want my goddamned M&M’s!”<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

<\/div>\n
\n

He laughs.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

<\/div>\n
\n

“What’s so special about M&M’s?”<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

<\/div>\n
\n

“I told you about this when you moved in and signed the lease. \u00a0It’s part of the rental agreement. \u00a0DO NOT TOUCH ANY M&M’s in the house. \u00a0They placate my hunger. \u00a0They crunch like, and I can’t explain it to someone who isn’t going through this, my desire to eat bone. \u00a0They’re crunchy with a\u00a0chocolaty\u00a0marrow center. \u00a0They keep me sane and straight and right now, I ain’t\u00a0neither\u00a0cause you ate my M&M’s!<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

<\/div>\n
\n

He says he didn’t eat them. He goes back to his game.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

<\/div>\n
\n

As I’m holding his shoulders, I can smell his hair and his head and that human sweat, and\u00a0I’m not sure exactly what happened, but afterward Alex claimed\u00a0I tried to bite him on the neck like a retarded vampire.<\/p>\n

He laughed and pushed me away easily.<\/p>\n

That infuriated me and I tried to bite him in the head.<\/p>\n

Didn’t work. \u00a0About broke my teeth.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

I guess I ain’t got the strength yet because I\u00a0couldn’t penetrate his skull.<\/p>\n

I think I hurt him though and when I saw the fear in his eyes a strength arose in me.
\nI grabbed that no dish washing, leaves his dirty clothes everywhere, uses my deodorant, poor excuse for a roommate by the throat and tried to choke the life he was wasting out of him.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

<\/div>\n
\n

Don’t judge me.
\nI’ll be the first to\u00a0admit I lost it.
\nThe poor fuck is gurgling for dear life.
\nI realize he’s doing that thing with his eyes – cause he can’t speak – he’s doing that thing with his eyes where he pointing to something.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

<\/div>\n
\n

He’s looking at me, \u00a0raising his eyebrows and pointing his tomatoes for\u00a0eyes at something below my neck.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

<\/div>\n
\n

As the final flickers of hope dim in his eyes, I look down, and there, in my shirt pocket is my king size packet of M&M’s.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

I’m sorry to say I didn’t apologize at first, I just sat back on the sofa like a junkie getting their fix. \u00a0I ate those M&M’s fast, crunching into those delicious candy shells.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

<\/div>\n
\n

As the hunger abated and I came to my senses, I realized with horror that I had almost killed a human.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

I\u00a0offered him some of my M&M’s.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

<\/div>\n
\n

He just shook his head, “Nah, man, I ain’t messing with your candy.”<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

<\/div>\n
\n

He looked at me and nodded, went back to playing the xbox.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

<\/div>\n
\n

With that nod I knew he understood.<\/p>\n

He wouldn’t judge me like I judged tentacle porn Bill.
\nAnd that made me feel worse than if he had punched me in the face.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

I was becoming the worst of me.<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
\n

I tried to sleep\u00a0but\u00a0burned with guilt and rage at the world. \u00a0After several hours of holding it in, \u00a0I got up and went to Alex’s room to apologize. \u00a0I thought he’d be asleep, so I quietly reached for the door handle. \u00a0Not sure why I was worried about being quiet when I was about to wake him up, but it didn’t matter.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

<\/div>\n
\n

Somehow I knew Alex was standing behind the door with a baseball bat raised high to strike me down if I entered his room. \u00a0I could smell his sweat and fear. And my guilt and shame turned to\u00a0mischief.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

<\/div>\n
\n

I made\u00a0a little\u00a0zombie moan to\u00a0let him know I was there. \u00a0His heart beat increased\u00a0and\u00a0I could smell his\u00a0sweat getting sweeter. \u00a0He was afraid for his life.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

<\/div>\n
\n

I snuck\u00a0back to my room and ate a few more M&M’s.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

The poor fuck stood by his door all night, waiting for me to attack him.<\/p>\n

He didn’t leave though, so I guess it’s good.<\/p>\n

Maybe he’ll be a good roommate.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Bill left without paying his share of rent, utilities and ordinary household expenses. \u00a0Said I creeped him out, being dead and all. I said you wanna know who’s creepy, Bill? \u00a0Your tentacle porn loving ass, that’s who. \u00a0What the hell is that all about, Bill? You ain’t\u00a0Japanese.   So now I’m dealing with Alex. Alex … Continue reading Day 67<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-62","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p77Qd5-10","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/alanwells.com\/zombieman\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/62","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/alanwells.com\/zombieman\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/alanwells.com\/zombieman\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/alanwells.com\/zombieman\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/alanwells.com\/zombieman\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=62"}],"version-history":[{"count":20,"href":"https:\/\/alanwells.com\/zombieman\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/62\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":148,"href":"https:\/\/alanwells.com\/zombieman\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/62\/revisions\/148"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/alanwells.com\/zombieman\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=62"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/alanwells.com\/zombieman\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=62"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/alanwells.com\/zombieman\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=62"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}