{"id":88,"date":"2016-01-20T05:48:11","date_gmt":"2016-01-20T05:48:11","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/alanwells.com\/zombieman\/?p=88"},"modified":"2016-03-21T21:47:55","modified_gmt":"2016-03-21T21:47:55","slug":"day-169","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/alanwells.com\/zombieman\/day-169\/","title":{"rendered":"Day 169"},"content":{"rendered":"
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It was on the table in the other room.<\/p>\n

Packaged in one of those styrofoam boxes, probably getting soggy like takeout\u00a0Mexican.
\nIt wasn’t a whole one. \u00a0The Doc had cut\u00a0a quarter of into a neat little chunk. Like a slice of dead pie.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

<\/div>\n
\n

Movies make it out like zombies can smell the brains of their victims. \u00a0It’s not like that.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

<\/div>\n
\n

I knew it was there, but it wasn’t so much a smell as a feeling.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

<\/div>\n
\n

Like how you might feel gravity.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

<\/div>\n
\n

I didn’t want to go in there, to that dim lit kitchen and open that box and eat those leftovers, because, honestly\u00a0that’s what they were. \u00a0Somebody’s leftovers.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

<\/div>\n
\n

I didn’t want to, but in the same way you can’t jump off a ten story building and go anywhere but down, I found myself sitting at that table.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

I’ve been told to just resist the urge. \u00a0You want to know how it feels?<\/p>\n

You know when you’re about to vomit and you try to not vomit? Does that work?<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
\n

Maybe you’ve\u00a0had too much to drink or have the flu\u00a0or you’ve seen something terrible or gross and there you are,\u00a0fighting the urge to let your body do what it wants.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

You can \u00a0try to take control, you can focus on something happy, you can open a window, stand in front of the fan, whatever\u00a0trick you want,\u00a0but they don’t work. \u00a0You can’t stop the room from spinning even if you do hang one leg off the bed.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
Your body is going to win and you know it<\/p>\n<\/div>\n
You will only feel better when your mind gives up and stops focusing on the regrettable\u00a0but necessary thing\u00a0you have to do.<\/div>\n
When you accept it, you say ok, fine, I’m going to puke, and\u00a0you run to the bathroom and fling up the white lid and let go of everything.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
It’s one of \u00a0the most raw, violent, sickening things you can do. \u00a0You know what I’m talking about?<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
\n

Good, because it’s\u00a0kinda like that.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

<\/div>\n
\n

Except, instead of the bathroom, you run to the table and you lift up that white lid and instead of expunging the worst of what you did a few hours ago, you ingest the worst you think you could ever do. \u00a0You hate yourself for a few minutes, just like you did when you were puking. \u00a0You say you’ll never do it again. \u00a0But you know you will.<\/p>\n

After it’s over, you feel a little bit better. \u00a0 Well, in my case, I feel a whole lot better. Because that fat, meaty,\u00a0slightly congealed part of someone I just gorged on is\u00a0the most perfect food I’ve\u00a0ever eaten. It\u00a0fixes the hangover. \u00a0I no longer have the flu. \u00a0I\u00a0feel my\u00a0body repairing itself. \u00a0The shakes ease up.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

I will not sleep fitfully on the cold tile floor, an arms reach away from the smell and the stained nasty butt seat.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
I will instead amble over to\u00a0the recliner\u00a0and\u00a0kick back, maybe watch some tv or read a little, \u00a0my stomach full and warm just like yours was last Thanksgiving when you fell asleep after that grand feast, not even noticing the little bit of macaroni and cheese on your shirt.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
\n

Tomorrow it begins again, the hunger, the headache and the guilt,\u00a0but right now I don’t care about tomorrow and for my sake (and probably yours) not caring is the best I can do.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It was on the table in the other room. Packaged in one of those styrofoam boxes, probably getting soggy like takeout\u00a0Mexican. It wasn’t a whole one. \u00a0The Doc had cut\u00a0a quarter of into a neat little chunk. Like a slice of dead pie. Movies make it out like zombies can smell the brains of their … Continue reading Day 169<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-88","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p77Qd5-1q","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/alanwells.com\/zombieman\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/88","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/alanwells.com\/zombieman\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/alanwells.com\/zombieman\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/alanwells.com\/zombieman\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/alanwells.com\/zombieman\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=88"}],"version-history":[{"count":28,"href":"https:\/\/alanwells.com\/zombieman\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/88\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":154,"href":"https:\/\/alanwells.com\/zombieman\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/88\/revisions\/154"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/alanwells.com\/zombieman\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=88"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/alanwells.com\/zombieman\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=88"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/alanwells.com\/zombieman\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=88"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}