Day 122

Lost my job, my meds and what’s left of my self respect.

People are mean to me.

When they’re mean to me, I want to fight them, hurt them, kill them.

I want to do even worse than that.

But I still believe, even after all the crap I’ve been through,  that there is hope.  I believe there is still goodness in the world.

While I’m typing this, Alex walked up behind me and read over my shoulders.

He said all this touchy feely stuff I’m writing is boring.
He says I should  tell people what it’s like to eat people.
What brains taste like.
Nevermind that I’ve never eaten anyone.

(Well, I’ve never eaten brains and I’ve never actually eaten people on purpose.)

He then says he has a replacement for my M&M fetish.

That’s right.  Popcorn.

He’s been on the internet again.

Says that a lot of man-zeds  going through their dead life crisis use popcorn because the kernels are like bone and the white part is like flesh.

I tell him, in so many words, that he is a stupid cunt.

We argue.
He believes himself an expert on everything, including the human (and not so Human) condition.
I maintain his only expertise begins and ends with the girlfriend replacement he holds in his hands every night called a game controller.
He agrees he is a “fucking awesome gamer” but he also is well educated and a very bright person.
I point out he hasn’t noticed that all of our furniture is gone.

He freaks out because he doesn’t have a couch to sit on while playing his video games.  He wants to know why I sold my furniture.  I explain, as if to a child, that he hasn’t paid rent in 3 months and I just lost my job.

His reaction?
How the hell did I lose such an easy job?
An easy job!  I almost killed him right then, but the microwave dinged and he walked out of the room to get his popcorn.
He comes back in and offers me popcorn.
I tell him I don’t want any popcorn.

He starts to inform me against my will about how other zombies and man-zeds do this and that, so I grab a handful to shut him up.

I don’t get to find out if the popcorn will work because instead of savory butter covering the popcorn, it smells like he dosed the entire bucket with a jar of Polo cologne.
I almost puke.

 “You’ve got colgne all over it!”

He smells his hands.
“I don’t smell anything”
“It’s like you showered in it!”
“Fine, I tried to do something nice” he says and walks away.
“I’ve told you a million times that my nose is super sensitive these days, since the thing.”
He just yells over his shoulder. “Fine!”

I sit alone for a while.

What am I gonna do.? I don’t know how I’m going to last like this.  I’m at the end of my rope but, I see understand things that I never understood in my past life.  I see how important life really is and I’m not gonna let any human destroy my humanit.
Again, alex walked up behind me.
Listen, I know you’re stuggling.
He hands me some cash, maybe 20 bucks.
says “I know it’s not much, but maybe it’ll help.  I was just gonna buy beer with it.”
I can’t believe what I’m hearing.  Is this compassion?  From a stupid human?
He goes on to say “Listen, I’ve been thinking about what you said about being sensitive to smells, so I’m going to try to do better”
I think I smiled for the first time in weeks.
He says “What do you think about this fragrence?”
I turn to my right and am face to butt with his arse.  I’m momentarily confused until he farts in my face as I open my mouth to say thank you.
He runs away before I can kill him.

UPDATE – Stupid Alan convinced me to try and make a little video blog out of my life so we tried filming this entry. Alan is a sucky director and entirely unprepared.  He rented cheap equipment and the sound was horrible.  He thought it would be authentic if we cast Alex as Alex, but the problem is, Alex is a sucky actor.  On top of all this, Alan’s stupid brother, David let us use his house to film in, but got disgusted at the sight of me and only let us film for a couple of hours.  I’ll never do that again.   I’m more embarrased about the production of that stupid little episode than I am to be infected. I’m not even going to link to it.

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