Day 172

I wasn’t really trying to kill the dog, but that’s all that people are going to remember.  Brian the dog killer.  I was minding my own business as usual when the neighbors little yappy bitch starts barking again.  She’s not barking at anything that I can tell.  She’s just barking and it’s driving me crazy.
See, the thing is, I can sleep standing up now.  I can sleep with a wooden stake rammed through my leg.  I could sleep through the dog barking if she would just keep fucking barking.  But she doesn’t.  What she does is bark enough for me to wake up.  She barks a couple more times to get me really awake, to make me wonder what the hell is out there that she’s barking at.  Then she stops.  I stay awake listening to nothing.  I slowly fall asleep again just in time for her to start back barking.  Goddammit, I want to kill that mutt.  It’s been like this all night for the past several nights.
Another thing is, it’s not like I wake up immediately when she starts barking.  It’s a gradual thing.  Being a zombie is weird.  Of course it’s weird, duh, but the best way I can explain it is like this.  I was reading one of Alan’s many unfinished novels and this one is about werewolfs.
Mind you I don’t like to read any of Alan’s work because Alan sucks as a writer but I was on the toilet in his house and there was nothing else to read.  So out of the trash I pick up some stuff he has thrown away and there is this one part where the werewolf is trying to explain what it’s like to be a werewolf.  The werewolf explains that when he has transformed to full on werewolf and is attacking someone, it’s like he’s a small person trapped inside the head of this monster.  He can see out through the werewolfs eyes but it’s red and blurry.  He tries to control his body but it’s like he’s stuck in a big cube of red jello and all his movements feel like they’re pushing through this thick gelatonous goo.  He’s powerless.
And I’m like wow, Alan, you don’t understand how close you got it to what it feels like to be a zombie.  See, to me, it’s exactly like I’m stuck right in the middle of a big 10ft by 10ft cube of red jello.  I’m supended in it.  Sound, light, everything is muffled and muted.  My movments are slow, but on top of that, if I were to be sound asleep and someone walked by and touched the edge of the jello, that movment would slowly ripple through the jello and reach me.  It’s like a sixth sense.  It works through walls and doors.  That’s how I could tell Alex was behind the bedroom door that night with a baseball bat.  The red jello told me.
So when this dog barks, those barks hit the jello first and start rippling.  The more she barks the more it ripples down to me so that I cannot ignore it.  It keeps rippling long after she stops barking.
That bitches bark rocks me all night long.  So finally I can’t take it.  I’ve spoken to the owners about her and they did nothing so now I have to.   I wait till everyone is asleep and sneak over there.  I try to catch the dog and I’m not gonna kill it or hurt it, I’m just gonna take it far, far away and let it go.
But as I’m sneaking into their yard, I get this crazy idea.  What if I bite it?  Will it become zombified like me?  Not that I want it to die, but it would be pretty dang cool to have a zombie dog that wouldn’t be afraid of me.  So I’m thinking I might bite it, but it doesn’t matter if I wanted to because the goddamned mongrel is way to fast for me. And she’s not scared.  She thinks we’re playing.  She keeps running away from me, but not really running.. More like barely trotting and we just keep going around in circles in this little suburban backyard.
And the owners had a security system back there and now they’ve uploaded that stupid video of me being run to death by a little heelbiter and everyone is having a good laugh.  The stupid zombie man trying to eat a dog. I’m not chinese.  Wtf.  I asked them to take it down but they laughed some more.  Laugh, laugh, laugh.
When it gets close,  when it gets almost time for me to change into my final form, whatever it is, you know the zombie I’ll never come back from, I’m going to visit their bedroom and shove that camera up their asses.  And I will laugh.  I will laugh their asses off.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *